Common Pitfalls & Traps that White People Often Fall Into when Starting Anti-racist Work

Welcome to my second writing on antiracism. I hope this essay speaks to the white, often left-leaning or liberal audience, primarily in America, in a language they will understand. It points out many of the mistakes, times when I didn't think or didn't know how to navigate conversations of race, untruths I believed and vocalized for years before I learned more. This will be a confession of things I have said and things I have done, from before I got schooled significantly in the literature, and the deep wisdom and activism of liberation, the practice of cultural antiracism, and what I now am understanding as the fight for abolition and process of seeking of justice. This stuff is embarrassing to write, but all too common in the process of suddenly immersing yourself in the work of antiracism and co-conspiratorship. 

One more note is that the foundational practice and inspiration for this writing draws from and is charted by my spiritual base, which includes the schools of Buddhism, zen practice, yoga, restorative and preventative Eastern medicine, such as Ayerveda and Chinese medicine, and from what I believe to be the source or lifeforce, for all that is true, good, and beautiful. I am slowly learning the legends and wisdom from my ancestors, and my spirituality deeply seeks to honor the many family, both chosen and blood, that I come from. From these ways of practicing my spirituality, I have come to see humanity and humans as little balls of energy that can sense what is true, good, and beautiful in the world and ultimately are drawn to it because they are a part of it. This is a common teaching in Indigenous communities, and of a global community of elders--- that we are all connected and that we are a part of everything. Furthermore, I believe that when humans incorporate a practice of sitting quietly to listen for truths of the universe and when they connect quietly with the land, truth will not be withheld. Put another way, each human knows inherently when something is made up of love, kindness, compassion, and care. Sometimes these signals get crossed when we are disconnected from ourselves by trauma or stress or when we have been removed from our ancestral territories and practices for too long. But humans are resilient by nature, and each human may tap back into the source if they try to listen to it and find it and care for it. These truths, the ones that I have uncovered, have led me to making a personal commitment to the fight for abolition and liberation worldwide and in every group I am a part of because I know with every fiber of my being that liberation is good for everyone, and liberation is the path to prosperity, health, and safety. 

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Ok, so with that said, here are a few truths that have been revealed to me about antiracist work:

1. On the topic of white tears-

Some white people have recently been confronted with the concept that it may be inappropriate or disrespectful to openly weep about racism and are not sure why this is problematic.

Ok, so let's unpack that.

It is a simple truth that learning about and being moved and touched when hearing stories of brutalization can make humans feel pain. We are born with the ability to have and/or learn compassion and empathy. Feeling compassion and empathy means that when another person (or being) feels pain, we have the ability to imagine what that would feel like if we were in their shoes. This is not a difficult or new concept for most adults in America-- we are taught nursery rhymes and told fables as children that we should follow the golden rule, and do unto others as we'd like to have done to us. So with this in mind, it is reasonable that any person who is reading about or hearing a story or seeing a situation play out that centers on violence and harm inflicted on the Black community would feel deep pain themselves. In American culture, weeping or crying may be a common way for folks to show their pain and despair. All of this is reasonable. In fact, I believe it is healthy for humans to practice feeling all their feelings and acknowledging them as a mode for healing, so I am a proponent of crying when you feel despair, and frustration, as a method for moving through, feeling the emotion, and then ultimately allowing it to go. 

So the actions of crying or weeping in and of themselves are not immediately problematic. As it's been told to me, the problem with white tears comes in three more nuanced forms:

(1) When the person crying is doing it in a performative way, or in public, or for public recognition, perhaps even when being called out for microaggressions or racist behavior so that they are forgiven or in order to get themselves out of the moment of reckoning or avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

(2) When the person crying asks (either overtly or implicitly) a Black, Indigenous, or other Person of Color to care for them, forgive them, or otherwise do emotional labor for them. 

(3) White tears often signal some element of surprise or shock to the violence or brutality. This ultimately says that for the last 450 years, the white person was not paying attention to the severity of the BIPOC experience, which is at best insensitive and at worst exemplifies the violence of erasure as a tool of white supremacy. 

(4) White tears may be such momentary and fleeting moments for white people coming to terms with their understanding of the Black experience, that the fact that they can even move on after having these moments further highlights the great divide in the depth of trauma and harm that white supremacy continues to enact on communities of color. In other words, seeing Black pain, crying about it, and then going home to a privileged and pleasant life experience is sordidly superficial (and offensive). 

So what should white people do when feelings are about to become tears in race-based conversations? First, take a breath and try to dig into what your tears are really about. Are you deflecting or denying a Black, Indigenous, or other Person of Color's pain because doing so will make you more comfortable? Are you being performative because you think tears are what is expected in this moment? Are you weeping because you are signaling for someone to comfort you? Or are you genuinely moved by the experience, such that your depths of your heart are wrenched in empathic pain? All of these are possible explanations for white people crying during race-based discussion.

That said, it is my perspective that the white person should generally seek and create spaces to grieve and come to terms with white supremacy privately and perhaps within the presence, support and critical evaluatory setting of other white people. White people should still feel their feelings, should feel safe to cry, weep, grieve, if that is really what is going on with them. But that this should be done in a way that does not negatively impact BIPOC community members, and that does not require BIPOC folx to do free emotional labor for white people.  This allows white folks, who may have true emotional wreckage come up from their own traumas, or family histories, or empathic experiences, to reckon with, uncover, and sit with the discomfort of racism in America in a way that doesn't place additional burden on Black people and doesn't perpetuate a system that privileges the white perspective and the white experience over all others. 

A few safe and healthy methods for processing pain regarding race that don't involve asking Black people to do emotional labor for you may include:

• journaling
• talking with a trusted friend in a private setting
• reading and immersing yourself more deeply in the literature of healing, restorative justice, and liberation
• sitting quietly to meditate or let certain feelings come up
• moving your body outside
• resting
• listening to speeches, podcasts, and or TED talks of Black activists
• watching and engaging with the artwork and media of Black people (music, movies, TV shows, dance, etc)
• practicing yoga and dedicating certain aspects of your practice to the healing of racist society
• immersing your body in sensory experiences with the land (swimming in natural waters and pools, walking barefoot in sand/soil/grass, digging with your hands in the earth, planting or caring for plants, hunting/gathering/fishing, feeling the wind on your face, sitting in the sun)

2. Don't confuse feeling your feelings with action... and you must do both in order to participate in this work authentically and they are not the same thing.

Some white people go through the exercises I've listed above, and think the work ends there. If you are only journaling about your white privilege or meditating on it or doing yoga about it or praying for peace, you are doing a great deal to understand your own heart, which is a powerful step, but it is not yet antiracist work. To truly do antiracist work you must take some kind of tangible action. I read recently two things recently that help drive this point home:

(a) If a Black person, Indigenous person, or a Person of Color cannot eat, feel, cook, or use your contribution in a meaningful way that improves their life immediately and tangibly, it is not enough to be considered productive antiracist work. 

Examples might include: writing a letter to the editor for publication, speaking at a City Council meeting, lobbying for specific legislative action, signing petitions, donating money, giving food, or  providing goods or services. 

This can go in the opposite way as well. Some folks can do all the action, without searching their own hearts to process the emotional load of the trauma of racism, which isn't enough either.

(b) I know and work with a brilliant Native scholar/professor named Cutcha Risling Baldy. In a talk she recently gave about land acknowledgement (i.e. the concept that white folks need to acknowledge and take responsibility for the fact that land they stand on, own, and use was stolen from Indigenous tribes), Cutcha said that you can't really call something "decolonization" unless it includes giving the land back. Seizure of land sits at the heart of colonization. This means that all the "thoughts and prayers" really don't mean shit until the hegemonic state makes reparations, preferably in the form of land.

It's important to recognize that all the other stuff is fine and good, but to really serve in solidarity, you have to create an imagined future of justice. In a just future, disenfranchised people would have sovereignty over their land. They would get their #landback. 

3. Don't say you can't see race, or that you are working toward a color-blind future. This erases the centuries of genocide, harm, violence, and brutality inflicted upon communities of color and gaslights POC about their current experience of systemic racism and colonization. Teach yourself to see the color, to honor it, and respect the lessons and nuances. Saying you don't see color or that you are working to create a color-blind future would be like telling someone who just lost their child that you prefer not to speak about the fact that they lost a child. Just because it might be uncomfortable for you to be in the presence of such deep, soul crushing despair does not mean that it did not happen or that it doesn't influence all experiences that person has, or that they don't think about it and feel it all the time. Follow the lead of the people you are working with. Racism is real, it has impacted all facets of all systems, and it would be trite and immature, not to mention cruel, to pretend it didn't. 

4. Don't publicly express that your are too burned out from other aspects of life to do anti-racist work. As tired as you might be, imagine how a person of color feels. Do the work. Do it whenever and wherever you can. Speak up against racism. Dedicate your life, whenever you can, to dismantling systems of power. And make antiracist work, behavior, language, and ideology your first priority. It should trump all other priorities. If you are white, this dedication, a pledge of this sort, determination to take on racial justice should be considered the very start, the thumbnail, the surface, the tiniest initiation of reparations for all the harm done to BIPOC folx. Decide that you will make Black Lives Matter. Be accountable. No matter what. And don't complain about it. If you must, ask for help and seek resources. But don't say you're too busy or don't have enough bandwidth for justice. If you are at the table or in any kind of position of power anywhere (which btw white people--- you are!) then it is your responsibility to take on the fight for justice. It won't happen without you. And if you don't take up the fight, then you are perpetuating racist systems of oppression and you are part of the problem. 

5. Do not privilege your experience, your needs, your agenda in projects or conversations or partnerships with BIPOC folx. Come to the table as a genuine collaborator, knowing that as you learn more about your partner, they may bring information or ideas to the table that are better than yours. Do not be rigid in your approach, be open-minded to change. Take on new ideas that BIPOC team members bring forward, and do it enthusiastically. It is not the job of any BIPOC folk to approach you to join their movement; rather, it is your job to support their work. Again, this is about reparations. You must work hard to meet them where they are and to make their jobs and their lives easier-- otherwise, again you are just a part of the system. 

6. If someone calls you in, or shares a way you have done harm to them in the past, or tells you that you have upheld white supremacy in some way, or asks you to expand your way of thinking about something, accept it and have some gratitude for the opportunity to learn how to do better. Then, do better. Take time to read more about what they told you. Educate yourself. If you have trusted friends or family members who might know more about this than you, ask them. It's ok if you are not immediately amenable to digesting the content when someone calls you out. Many people have been traumatized in a white supremacist culture and don't have the tools and skills to hear and accept and learn from criticism. Our egos and identity have been trained to deflect and defend for survival and as a cultural norm. So this will not be easy. But even if it is a year later, or ten years later, once you can accept and have been able to hear the criticism, thank the person who gave it to you. And then do better. 

7. As you begin to have antiracist revelations and ideas, do not steamroll through existing activist networks with your own plans. Do not create a million new ideas for how you can lead the movement. Instead, find an existing leader, preferably a Black, Indigenous, Latinx or other Person of Color that you can learn from and amplify their work. Support them. Give them words of affirmation. Donate to their causes. Share their work with others. Support them. 

8. Make your primary focus the immediate environment of what you know and who you know. Start doing work where you live, where you work, within local government, and try to make your audience other white people. Use your own anecdotes and experiences to guide your work. Do not bust in to a foreign group, community, place and come with evangelist or missionary ideas of becoming the white savior. Avoid this trope like the plague. 

9. Stop asking for permission to join the fight for liberation. Start speaking up. Do not be afraid. Teach if you are called to do so. Write if you are called to do so. Take chances, and be ok with the possibility that you might mess up and then prepare yourself to make amends and do better. It's ok and better to try. That is the fastest way to learn. Get used to discomfort. Don't wait, and don't waste a moment more. Now that you know better, do better. The man won't ever give you permission to tear down the system. So at some point you have decide which side you are on and go for it. 

10. If you do become empowered and educated enough that you feel you have something to offer the broader community (like say, if you are going to teach a class or give a lecture or present to a group or start a fundraiser or do a training), then find a partner or co-presenter who is a person of color. Two people representing two different lived experiences but sharing a common message is much more powerful than one white person. This does not mean that you should find a person of color and bend them to your will. It means you should seek a partner out there who is already doing the work and ask them if they a) need support, and b) would they find any value in joining forces for (x) concept or idea. 

11. Remember that there is vast power in humility. When you mess up, say so. If you don't know, and you have reasonably conducted a good amount of research, then ask. If you have feelings, then feel them (for you, in your private safe space, not in a performative way for others). If you are struggling, then seek community. If you don't know what's going on or how to fix it, then listen. Remember that admitting mistakes, apologizing, and letting the small stuff go will make a big difference. On the other hand, fighting to maintain your ego or pride, resisting change, getting defensive, tightening up, avoiding, denying, and numbing pain are all tools of the oppressor and they will not get you far in this work. Work to develop new skills to open your heart. Therapy, emotional maturity, healing generational trauma, twelve steps, and other programs are a few tools that may help in this regard. 

Hopefully this is helpful to someone out there. If you are white and you are trying to do antiracist work, find solace in the fact that you may be like a toddler right now and forgive yourself for being a toddler for a few years, but then commit to growing through this phase. You are learning and you don't know everything and you need people to show you how things are done and correct you when you are doing it wrong so that you learn. Try not to be petulant, and watch how the older, more mature kids do it and you should grow out of this phase soon enough, as long as you keep trying. Just don't give up, and be willing to learn and open your heart, and you will be ok. You will never arrive, but you will change and it will get easier.